Tales from litigation by Lawyer Fredericka
There is a truth many survivors learn painfully:
- Your abuser has loved ones.
- Your offender has defenders.
- Your villain has admirers.
The person who harmed you is someone’s mentor, breadwinner, prayer partner, or “good person.” The moment you speak up, you are no longer fighting only your abuser; you are also confronting the world that believes in the version of them they know.
It feels personal, but it isn’t. Their loved ones are not always attacking you; they are defending the image they have built of them.
If your parents loved you all your life, would you readily believe a stranger who suddenly accused them of abuse? That hesitation you would feel is the same hesitation many people have when survivors speak up.
Some people will only believe survivors when they are dead or permanently damaged. Even then, others will stand over the broken body and ask: “Why didn’t you speak earlier?” So survivors stay silent.
You stay silent:
- Because speaking up risks your job.
- Because silence keeps a roof over your head.
- Because you worry about your children’s school fees, transport, your safety, your place of worship, your career.
- Because telling the truth often comes with a cost many cannot afford.
Isolation is powerful. Silence feels safer. So you swallow your story and try to survive. That, however, is not survival.
Abusers repeat their harm unless someone stops them. They move from victim to victim- friends, neighbors, colleagues, children. When we hide abusers, we teach our sons that cruelty can be protected. We teach our daughters they can be abused, that silence is survival and the cycle continues, generation after generation.
We all have parts of our lives we are afraid the world might judge. We have been told the internet never forgets. We fear labels that follow us forever. We worry that if our secrets spill, our lives might fall apart.
But how many lives do we truly have? Why spend the only one you get trying to please everyone?
The first time I was abused, I went silent. I only warned the minors around me to keep their distance. I thought I was protecting them, but now I know I should have spoken up.
Silence does not end cycles – courage does.
Break the cycle. Let it end with you. You have one life. One voice. One chance to shift the path for those who come after you. Choose courage. Choose truth. Choose to end abuse. When you decide to speak up, remember to gather evidence.
Evidence is the only voice the law recognizes.
- Try your best to keep evidence of the abuse.
- Report it as soon as you can.
- Record the bruises, save the receipts, the messages, the threats, the recordings. Because when their defenders challenge you – and they will – you need something the law can rely on.
The law presumes everyone innocent until proven guilty. If the situation were reversed, you would appreciate that presumption too.
The court may not punish your offender the way you expect. They may walk free. Your testimony and evidence however expose their shadow, and the world becomes aware and safer, because you refused to hide what they did.
Speak up. You can start anonymously with Silent Beads and the other avenues (Kindly share with me if you know of any). Speak up. You matter and your experiences matter.
Lawyer Fredericka
Thanks for sharing